


Actions Beyond Reason

by Zoe_Dameron



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Execution, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 20:31:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7546597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe_Dameron/pseuds/Zoe_Dameron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the prompt:<br/>"Poe learns what Kylo Ren did to Finn as a young (not underage please) stormtrooper. Finn insists it wasn't that bad, and anyway, sometimes he came so he must have liked it really.</p><p>A couple of years later, Poe finds himself with Kylo Ren kneeling front of him, injured and drugged with Force-suppresents. Poe pulls out his blaster, points it between Kylo's eyes, and tries to decide whether or not to pull the trigger."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Actions Beyond Reason

He closes his eyes as he leans forward, letting the cold pang of the blaster barrel press against the skin of his forehead. Part of him wishes Poe would just pull the trigger and get it over with. Kylo knows what he’s done. He knows what kind of person he is.

_Irredeemable._

_Evil._

_Monstrous._

He’s made his peace with it. There is no dignity left for him, no fear.

Kylo doesn’t bother holding his shoulder wound any longer, allowing both of his arms to fall limply to his sides. There’s a simple relief to it, a resignation. He looks down and watches his blood trail across his thigh, mixing with the mud underneath his knees. He is dying, and he is alone. Even the Force has left him.

_Pathetic._

He can feel the blaster wavering against his head, its owner unable to steady their hand as he works through his defeat.

 _Damned soft-hearted Resistance can’t even take the win when it’s laid out in front of them_ , he thinks, gritting his teeth in annoyance.

He raises his head slowly, locking eyes with Poe. The pilot is trembling above him, his face twisted in conflict and anger and pain.

“Well, Dameron? Lose your nerve?” He huffs the words out, pitifully hoping they’re not his last.

Poe is anxious, shifting his weight back and forth between his feet as he shoves the blaster harder against Kylo’s head. His eyes are red and wet and raw with emotion. He is a live wire in a rainstorm.

“Why did you do it?” he asks through a broken voice. “Tell me, Ben. Tell me _why_.”

Kylo hesitates a moment, unsure which pernicious act Poe wants answers for.

“You’ll have to be more specific, Dameron.” Kylo blinks slowly, his eyelids feeling heavy from blood loss.

“ _YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, BEN_ ,” Poe shouts back, his other hand balling into a fist at his side. “To Finn! _Stars_ , Ben, he’s a _kid_ compared to us! _How could you_?”

Kylo feels his cheeks flush at the memory and the shame of it.

Poe’s talking about FN-2187, the star trooper with too much empathy.

Kylo remembers him now, back before FN-2187 traded the First Order for the affections of a rebel pilot and a nickname.

“Oh. The traitor. With the _flaw_.” Kylo expected the hit and braced himself for it, throwing out a hand to catch himself before he was knocked into the mud. Expected or not, the impact still hurts. A lot. His right cheek blooms red, the pain enough to momentarily distract him from the gash in his shoulder.

Above him, Poe looks like a wild animal, teeth bared and eyes burning down on him. “ _You don’t get to talk about him like that, do you hear me_?” His voice is a low growl, feral and strong.

Kylo nods, bringing a hand up to his cheek to alleviate the sting.

“What do you want to know?” Poe’s expression softens instantly at the response, and Kylo can tell Poe is grateful for the indulgence.

“Tell me why you did it, Ben,” Poe pleads. “I need to know. Why _him_? _Why_?”

He wonders what the pilot wants to hear, going back through his memories to every time he cornered FN-2187 alone in a training room or supply hangar. Did Poe want to hear how the Stormtrooper was forced to comply, how his position left little room for defiance towards a superior officer? Did he want to hear about the tiny amount of wretched joy it brought Kylo to finally be intimate with someone else? How he pushed aside the obvious power imbalance and felt a rare twinge of actual _happiness_ every time he took the trooper? How FN-2187 was more amenable to orders after the first time? _Did Poe want to hear how he couldn’t stop himself_?

The blaster presses firmly against his head, harder this time. “WELL?!”

Kylo doesn’t want to do this anymore. He is tired of the fight, tired of trying to keep his body from bleeding out as he waits for death, tired of provoking the pilot.

They were childhood friends, once. Poe had been good to Ben. Maybe Kylo owed him for that.

He lets out a deep breath, one that feels like he’s been holding it in for years. “Your friend, FN-2187. The one you call Finn. The First Order doesn’t allow Stormtroopers to act on their own feelings about their duties. FN-2187 had a lot of feelings, all of the time. I was asked to come in and take some of those feelings away. To remind him of his place.”

Kylo continues, ignoring how Poe is no longer holding the blaster to his head.

“The First Order wanted to scare him. I… got greedy. I took it too far.”

The two men exchange a solemn glance as Kylo feels the disgrace of his actions tearing down his walls, eating him alive. His blood is still seeping out of his shoulder, the wide gash leaking like a faucet. It was getting harder to focus, harder to control his breathing. He couldn’t stop himself from swaying slightly as he lost feeling in his arm, all too aware of the creeping numbness working its way down his back.

He may be ready to face death, but it doesn’t mean he’s not scared.

“I’m sorry for what I’ve done to him, Poe. Please tell him that.”

There were, of course, countless other apologies Kylo could make.

_To you, Poe –_

_To Rey –_

_Let Chewie know –_

_Tell my mother –_

But he doesn’t want the selfish, last minute redemption of a dying man. The apologies would serve to benefit his own conscience and nothing more. The better part of him holds silent.

 _I could at least give Poe this_ , he thinks. _I’ll give him Finn_.

Poe steadies, his brow furrowing in sadness. Kylo can feel the pilot’s eyes crawl over him in alternating waves of disgust and sorrow and disappointment. Dameron wears his emotions openly, no Force powers needed to read him.

Poe taps the blaster against his leg, finally asking something he’s been holding onto for years. “What happened to you, Ben?”

So many questions without answers, actions beyond reason.

“It’s war, kid.” He is his father’s son.

“It didn’t have to be.”

Kylo attempts to shrug. He doesn’t know if he’s successful or not, having lost most feeling from the neck down.

Dameron nods, straightening his shoulders and raising his weapon. His resolve isn’t back, but he can fake it.

“…Is there anything else?”

 _I’m ready_.

Kylo closes his eyes.

“No.”

Poe pulls the trigger and Kylo's world goes black.

**Author's Note:**

> You'd be surprised how hard it is to end a story where you kill the POV the story's told from.


End file.
